I finished this novel I bought on Sunday: Generation X by Douglas Coupland. It’s one of the few novels in recent times that I really got into. I have discovered another writer who I really enjoy reading. It’s nice and expanding (in terms of intellectual horizons) to discover a literary voice that rings clear through the din.
Sometimes you have days when the progress you have made towards change stalls. Sometimes in fact, you take two steps back. It seems like all the work, the effort, and the change has been spoiled. But it hasn’t. This is just a hurdle, a challenge to try harder, to do better. I could look at everything as spoiled, or can see that it’s just a difficult transitional space. And this is how I chose to look at it. I will continue on towards change, towards progress. I am not a failure, I am human, and sometimes I falter. But I have a strong spirit, and I choose to follow it.
I got to go to the Fear Factory concert on the 7th in London. It was awesome! I need to make music myself!
I am unfortunately one of those people who cannot stop once a bad thought has entered my mind. It multiplies and becomes like a circle of vultures picking at me and picking at me. It can be one of the hardest things to deal with. Today I had a very bad thought. But within moments, something silly, fun, happy even, entered my mind. The bad thought just didn’t have the power it used to.
I know it sounds like a small thing but this is a huge step for me. I’m really glad it’s happening.
One thing that has helped me in my artwork has actually been the internet. Specifically, for reference material and instruction. Instead of depending on expensive classes or books, I can look up online tutorials and even videos. The internet is my art teacher and mentor.
Just taking even the smallest morsel of time in the day to write and to draw. Maybe it is slow going towards improvement but if one at least keeps moving forward to their goals, they’re on the right track, I think.
It’s nice to give myself a break at times. After having spent a lifetime mentally tearing apart anything good in my life, to be able to tell myself to just relax. Sometimes after all the stress and hurt and pain it’s good when you can stop yourself from hurting yourself further. I do not need anymore scars or bad memories. I do not need to be the pain in my life. It’s time I can give myself a rest and be able to say: “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”