Honestly, what do I want to be? What do you want to be? I had so many expectations and dreams of what I would become and have seen so little of it manifest. I am lost and I wish I knew what to do. Would career counselling be the answer? I’m in Uni, but even there, I feel lost everyday. I’m not sure if I’ll amount to anything. I am asking anyone who reads this blog to please give me some advice. I don’t know what to do and I want to hear what others have done. Thank you.
Yes, I’ve been away for a REALLY long time.
As of last month, I’m back in Toronto and attending university here. What was a nice bonus was I earned a Higher Education Diploma from my Uni in England for successfully completing 2 years out of 3. So it wasn’t all for naught. I’m back in U of T, here to finish the full degree.
I’m just trying to get back into art, but properly, and I have been coming up with ways to make it more community based. I was thinking a gathering of mad girls and boys (you know who you are 😉 ) that would meet up to sketch and talk and simply have fun. Maybe even connect online with others who can’t meet up in the real world, they can join us in the virtual world. If anyone is interested, send me a message.
I am trying all the time to improve as an artist and frankly I just don’t see any talent there at times.
Tell me, other artists out there, what do you do when you feel like this? And especially, what practices to you engage in in order to improve?
I want to jump off a bridge and just sink into the sea. I am being a showy little bitch because I feel so alone. I just want someone to talk to and someone to help me. But I should face the fact that there is no rescue. Years of therapy and drugs and I always wind up back in the same place, hating my life and hating myself and not doing what I truly want because I don’t know what I want.
Why do I have to exist? Tumblr post
Damn! I decided after spending the last 2 years living and learning in England, that I really needed to go back to Canada because I can’t afford to go to university here anymore. My other half is moving to Canada with me so never again the long distance relationship crap.
I have applied to some universities in Ontario, but holy crap! It cost over $300 just to submit an application! And an extra $12 for every transcript request! It seems strange that the key compromise of the student life is that you will likely be fairly poor during your years in school. Not to mention, have quite a bit of student debt afterward. Governments don’t seem to account for this in their fees.
And yet, it’s significantly less to deal with financially compared to England. Here the fees for an international student are £10 000 a year! At first it was horrible to be so severely gouged just for being a foreigner, but now it costs £9000 a year for UK students.
It does feel as though governments and bureaucracies want anyone without money to be unable to better themselves through school. And to have this option only open to those who already have money. It’s like living in a third world country in this respect, especially here in England. There are no more middle class. It’s all upper class, working class or lower.
I’m not saying that this issue with university can compare to the outright poverty in true third world countries. It’s just that this does seem to be a step in the wrong direction. To make it more difficult for the population to raise themselves up through education. My parents are from third world countries and these sorts of issues is why they left to move to Canada.
But it seems we have little say at the moment.